Aino Minako Spinster at Large
by Kihin Ranno
Summary: Minako eats her feelings. But she also yells.


Aino Minako - Spinster at Large  
Written for the Sailor Moon Monthly Fanfiction Challenge  
August 2008 Challenge - Episodic  
Anime - SuperS - Episode 166  
by Kihin Ranno

"It's bullshit," Minako proclaimed.

Ami, Rei, and Makoto each exchanged a long, tired look. They'd been bracing themselves for this. Now that Chibi-Usa had gone off to mope and Usagi and Mamoru had decided to... do whatever it is they do when no one's watching, Minako was ready to unload. They were prepared. This did not mean they were happy about it.

"Complete and total bullshit," Minako repeated, heading straight for Rei's kitchen.

"Not it," Makoto and Ami muttered, touching their fingers to their noses.

Rei had said 'not it' as well, but she forgot about the motion. She stamped her foot. "We don't do it like that!" she snapped.

"I guess the nuns think it's sinful," Makoto joked. Then she physically pushed Rei forward. "Go on."

Rei made an unpleasant face and then called out, "What's wrong, Minako?"

"Chibi-Usa and Pony Boy. That's what's wrong," Minako shouted, opening and closing cabinets with the reckless abandon of someone who didn't live there.

Rei flinched. "What about them?"

"How old is Chibi-Usa?" Minako asked, rummaging through the fridge. "Seven?"

"Eight," Rei said.

"Ten," Ami said.

"903," Makoto said.

They paused.

"No idea," Rei concluded. "What's your point?"

"She's a little kid!" Minako shouted slamming things down on the counter. "She has pink hair! Satanic eyes!"

Ami clucked her tongue. "Really, Minako, it's not as though it's her fault that she looks that way."

"No boobs!"

Makoto shook her head. "And at 903.... Shame really."

Rei pinched her elbow. "I think I asked you for a point about ten minutes ago."

"No boobs!" Minako repeated, finally emerging from the kitchen, her arms laden with ice cream, cookies, Pocky, and every other kind of fattening, sweet thing that had ever been made. "And she got a boyfriend."

Ami, ever sensible, stepped forward to help Minako sort through her comfort food. "Now, Minako, keep in mind there are extenuating circumstances."

"Yeah, like his species," Minako muttered, popping open a quart of ice cream. She looked around, turned a darker shade of pink, and yelled, "Spoons!" before disappearing into the kitchen again.

"That and the fact that he was hiding in her dream mirror all that time," Makoto added, raising her voice over the sound of metal scraping. "They had a long time to get to know each other in a stressful situation."

"Well, why the hell couldn't he have hidden in **my** dream?" Minako asked, now emerging from the kitchen clutching every kind of silverware imaginable. Rei rushed forward to take away the knives. "I want to be a superstar - rich and famous and popular and talented and totally awesome. What does she want? To be a lady. What does that even mean?"

"That she wants to grow up to be a lady like her mother," Ami answered.

Rei guffawed.

The others each raised an eyebrow.

"Err, sorry... But you have to admit, it's kind of hilarious when you consider who her mother is."

The others each nodded and murmured their agreements.

"Our dreams were all just as beautiful, or those circus performers wouldn't have come after us," Minako continued. "And may I just point out that I had two of them after me at the same time? TWO."

"You have mentioned that once or twice," Makoto agreed flatly.

"Every day," Rei whispered to Ami.

"Therefore, ergo, and thusly, my dream is beautiful, AND I am unbelievably attractive."

Somehow, Minako did not notice how everyone coughed loudly after that statement.

"And so are the rest of us!" Minako added. "Ami, you're pretty much the smartest person ever."

Ami blushed. "Well, I wouldn't go quite--"

"Rei, you've got the market cornered on mysterious shrine girl and Catholic school girl, so you're like, the queen of fetish fantasies."

Rei twitched.

"And Makoto, you have _awesome_ boobs."

Makoto glanced down at her chest. "This is true."

"So why does the pink-haired less intelligent, less mysterious, BOOBLESS RABBIT get a boyfriend before we do?"

The four of them paused.

Then they moved in for the kill.

"Hand me the Mint-Chocolate Chip."

"Is there Strawberry Pocky in here?"

"Oh, Yuuichirou's birthday cake. Will he want that later?"

"Screw him."

"Amen to that, sister."

"Men are made of poo."

"Here here!" they all said, mouths full and waistbands expanding.


End file.
